Living and dying (and thinking about same)
Posted on March 26, 2007
Filed Under All, My Brain |
Linda has a thoughtful post about living with treatable but incurable cancer in light of the Edwards’ interview on 60 minutes last night. We’re dealing with the same issue, and have some of the same feelings we heard expressed last night.
Backing away from daily living - job, family and friends - represents a big change. Are you starting to go down the path to death if you decide to stop working or ‘do the things I always wanted to do?’ Depends, I guess - hard question to answer. But I can appreciate wanting to go on doing what you’re doing to the extent you can. Despite Ms. Edward’s courage, I’m wondering if chemo has the effects on her it does on me… some days I am just weak and knocked down (and today is such a day), despite wishing, mightily, that it were otherwise.
Living with cancer isn’t quite the same thing as living without it. Linda and I have embraced this by talking about ‘painting a new canvas’ for our life together. We know that a few colors just aren’t on the new palette (and those can be hard disappointments).
We also really dislike pity. Linda has said ‘I’m so tired of being pitied’ at the top of her lungs more than once now when we’ve come back from an event or cocktail party. The Edwards make the point that a. everybody’s going to die someday, and b. some of us just have a little more information about our mortality. Nobody really knows what tomorrow will bring. So, one day at a time seems like a good plan to me…
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The readers were led to believe this was curable cancer. Is that not the case?
Oh dear, not trying to lead anyone astray… I have an inoperable glioma - consisting of anaplastic astrocytoma cells. Gliomas are treatable, but, so far as anyone knows, not curable. The issue is that they are known to reoccur after responding to treatment.
Currently, the tumor appears to be responding (meaning, getting smaller).
Like Mrs. Edwards, it’s hard to know what this means - years? I hope so… so best thing, I think, is to live my lfe and hope for the best…
Hi Chris -
I saw the 60 minutes interview as well, it was definitely thought-provoking. Just the knowledge in and of itself of such a disease makes it a little more difficult than the SOP of the “normal” lifespan and unknown mechanism of that. I tend to be the realistic optimist myself. As you know, I was one half of a couple, where my wife had an anaplastic astrocytoma as you have, in her case operable as well as treatable, but not curable. In some cases that I was made aware of at that time, the response to treatment was so good that you might think of it as curable.
It is so great that you are responding as you have shown us, how wonderful. You know what they are throwing at the cancer, it should respond. I hoist a glass of wine (or two) to your attitude, fight, and may you continue to live well and prosper.
See you on the walk/run in the AM sometime, Patches is on the prowl for his old friend Cassie..
Paul
Kudos to both of you (AND the Edwards’)!!!
Go ahead and paint away at that new canvas…I think you will find that while you miss some “colors” on your palette, you may discover new hues or nuance in the colors that you do have. Much like the amazing range of grays, blacks, whites and silvers in the Avedon photos — which you pointed out to me as something most people cannot even discern.