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Moonrise over Menlo Park, California (2009)

by cg on November 28, 2009

moon_over_menlo_230.jpgTonight is the night that the moon appears in very nearly the same position and phase as it did for Ansel Adams’ famous 1960 photo Moon and Half Dome.

Readers will recall that Scott and I had made plans to be in the Ahwanee meadow at 4:08 this afternoon, but later thought better of it. Good thing – neither Half Dome nor the moon chose to show up for the occasion (though last night was pretty good, we hear).

We did however try to think about a ‘Moon and Menlo Park’ photo, and after much thought, not to mention a decision to take a nap that ran a little overtime, decided that our driveway was the best place for the photo.

Since we were late, the sun was gone from the foreground trees, necessitating a little ‘darkroom’ magic to make the picture work. Linda took the lovely photo you see here, but the exposure necessary to capture the leaves against the sky resulted in a moon that was completely blown out. As good as modern digital sensors are, they can’t handle a more than 5 stop exposure difference.

Ansel Adams, faced with a similar problem in the famous Moonrise over Hernandez, New Mexico (1940), was able to use a technique called water-bath development to preserve his 8×10 negative’s detail both in the darker foreground and the bright clouds, mountaintops and moon in the background. There’s no ‘development,’ water-bath or otherwise, in digital sensor land. But there is Photoshop.

A few minutes after Linda made her nicely framed composition, I made some images of the moon using a technique called bracketing. With the camera set to manual exposure, I made a series of pictures at progressively shorter exposures, some of which captured the craters et al. on the moon at the same ISO as Linda’s photo, so that the image “grain” (or “noise” in digital parlance) would match.

Later, we used image editing software to blend the two images, mainly Adobe Photoshop. Not as pure, nor nearly as interesting, as Mr. Adams’ effort, but we’ll take it…

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The really big post (part 2)

by cg on November 27, 2009

spider.jpgMy day started, once again, with a spider, but this time it was an Orb Weaver suspended between my Ford Escape Hybrid and the ceanothus adjacent to the driveway. Linda gently detached his web from the car door, and Orb Weaver scampered into the foliage.

Linda and I were headed out together, for our second walk in two days – a rarity for us these days. Linda’s rapid recovery from tendon surgery has her walking 3 and 4 miles in the morning, outside the reach of my much slower recovery.

Walking is good thinking time, as I stump left, walk right on the appointed round. We have been thinking about Richard Dawkins’ latest, and his exegesis on why cancer is not weeded out by natural selection (also very nicely elucidated a couple rears ago by American writer Carl Zimmer). As I wobbled around Stanford’s picturesque campus, I rewrote the 2nd half of the Big Post, deciding, for better or worse, to write from a more personal perspective. Dawkins reports from Chopper Science, hovering high above: Gulker reports from the ground, at the gritty intersection of Genome and The Individual.

So, I have glioma, perfectly legal under the laws of evolution, and also, quite evidently, under God, as well. Glioma is a malignant, cancerous tumor of the brain that affects perhaps 4 in 100,000 people, most of whom (like Senator Kennedy) are in their 70s (I’m 58). Glioma can be relatively benign if it grows slowly and lies in a region of the brain apart from critical cognitive or motor areas. My tumor is all-but-the-fastest growing variety, and it sits smack on the motor strip – a peanut-sized region in my right parietal lobe – that controls every voluntary and semi-autonomous muscle on my left side.

No, I didn’t catch many breaks (2 of the 4 kinds of glioma are benign), but again, it could be worse. My friend (and former rector) Mike Spillane died 7 months after his diagnosis of stage 4 glioma (glioblastoma multiformae). A woman with glioma in Santa Monica who contacted me through a friend woke up one morning unable to write. A following morning she was unable to read. So, it could be worse.

That I have cancer, its type and position are effectively random: they just fell where they fell, in this uncaring universe. One response is to mope, and spouse and I have each done plenty enough of that, each in our own way (truth be known, ’tis Linda who possesses the stiffer upper lip). I’ve alluded to the endless friction that hemiparesis confers. As spouse aptly notes, it’s “a bitch.”

But past is past, and today, we both did something that we can do – try to shape our future. So we visited the hallowed grounds where once we jogged (for 17 blessed years), trusty herd-dog Cassie at our side for much of that time. We went to a spot where we watched many sunrises, and often kissed. In our respective minds’ eyes, we saw the winter mist that oft hung in the hollow of the dry bed of Lagunita. Linda cried. I hung my head. We both bid adieu to that treasured life past. Life goes on…

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Happy Thanksgiving!

by cg on November 26, 2009

No post today (The Big Post continues tomorrow). Move along back to your family now…

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The really big post (part 1)

by cg on November 25, 2009

It started with a spider in the sink, Monday morning – a Monday morning that had been like most of my days: I was delayed in my driveway by parents dropping off their children for the nearby elementary school, was late to the gym for strength training (part of the rehab program for the hemiparesis that I live with), had shopped, run errands and returned home.

Mr. (Ms.?) Spider (a brown creature of the species I often see in the house and garden) was in the bottom of one side of the sink, feebly trying to get up the polished side of the tub, and not making much headway. I carefully tried to give Spider a boost, at which point he/she pulled in his/her legs and stopped moving, sliding back to the bottom. I let Spider be and went about my rounds.

A few hours later, I saw that Spider hadn’t moved and suspected that my small visitor wasn’t long for this world (a situation that I, too, am dealing with). As I rinsed out a glass in the other tub, a drop of water inadvertently hit Spider, who responded by making a brisk run at the vertical wall of the sink. I provided lift, and Spider escaped into the gap between counter and fridge.

I spared Spider not just because its plight touched me – I’ve alway found living things marvelous, including the icky ones, and have never been in a hurry to annihilate anything with a nervous system. When we’ve had a particularly bold mouse (a situation that Linda is definitely not fond of), I’ve always had to trap it, and release it into the wild, which, in our case, is only a block away. Mushheads – ok, yeah, so be it – we live and let live.

I know that Spider is a predator, and sparing her means some number of other insects will meet untimely ends. Nature is, by gentile human standards, cruel and “red in tooth and claw.”

That line, from Tennyson (In Memoriam A. H. H., 1850), figured in the Victorian debate over Darwin’s Origin of Species, first published in 1859. Darwin’s observations led him to believe that survival (aka natural selection) was all – it didn’t matter at all how much carnage, dishonesty, cheating or misery an individual engendered, as long as their genes were expressed in offspring.

“Civilized” Victorians thought this abhorrent, and a sure reason that God, not evolution, had created all. Of course many Victorians had lived to see (and/or may have been enriched by) such atrocities as the British slave trade and wholesale massacres of aboriginal populations, for various convenient reasons, in The Colonies. In any case, most current observers think Darwin had that part of evolution dead right. It is rare that scientific insights endure as long as Darwin’s have.

Nature, it would clearly seem, has no such Victorian conscience, and God as clearly chooses not to intervene in this state of affairs. Most creatures in the wild meet cruel fates, the kindest of which may be sudden death in the paws of a fearsome predator. Famine, disease, injury, parasites and old age may confer even greater suffering. Animals in the wild have short, brutal lives, as do, truth be known, most humans, especially those who live outside the “first world.”

But, to get to my theme, those of us animals dealing with human disease, in particular “terminal” disease probably all wonder, at some point, “Why?”. Evolution provides a pretty clear answer: diseases, like cancer, that normally strike after peak reproductive years, provide no selection pressure whatsoever. My putative offspring are already in the wild, competing mightily to spread their own genetic contribution to the human pool. I’m a genetic has-been, as are my fellow doomed geezers.

Nature could “care” less if I suffer and die now, and would have “cared” hardly less if I’d died much sooner – in case you haven’t noticed there are plenty of humans walking around this planet – my death, or even the death of a million mes, would be an utterly insignificant blip in the gene pool. Some 57 million people die every year, in any case, and we still manage to grow humanity at a breakneck, likely unsustainable, pace. Darwin, and a number of more modern authors, have weighed in on this… (to be continued)

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Too beat to blog…

by cg on November 24, 2009

We really, really do have a major post in the works, you know, one of those things where I go way out on a limb theorizing from stuff I only half-understand and embarrass myself by drawing outrageous conclusions. Kind of like “The Marx Bros. meet Malcolm Gladwell.”

Many readers have no small amount of amusement over these moments, and some, I think, actually look forward to them.

Please know that I spent more time researching today (Dawkins, Zimmer) in between errands and other time-burners. But the day has finished on a down note… I think I’m having one of those cancer days where energy (and stability) are hard to come by. So, stay tuned, oh ye easily amused…

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We have a major post in us, really

by cg on November 23, 2009

And I mean a huge post. Evolution, an insider’s view, from a blogger who happens to have a unique perch, if you believe Richard Dawkins, et al. Disease. Society. Religion. Genetic predisposition vs. culture. Oh yeah. This one’s big – it may approach lone-genius blogger status.

However, it’s not likely to get dragged out of the neural constructs wherein it perches, even after a day of cognitive churn. And we have made actual written notes (on paper) to ourself, so we won’t forget this time. It’s just not going to happen tonight…

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Forgetting what I forgot to blog about

by cg on November 22, 2009

Our friend, the Rev. Stuart Coxhead made a really good point at dinner tonight. I remember thinking that it was incisive, insightful and illuminating. “My blog post for tonight!” I thought, excited. But of course, that was a couple of hours ago. Can I remember it now?

I asked my sweet spouse, and she recalled that it had been good, too, but she couldn’t remember, either. Stuart’s lovely wife, Anne Peterson carries a small notebook in which she jots notes during conversation, and tonight’s episode helps me understand why

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Scott, to the rescue

by cg on November 21, 2009

scott_portola.jpg

knees_mud.jpgWe managed to hit the deck again this morning, while on a lovely walk in Portola Valley with Scott and Linda. Linda, largely recovered from her Achilles tendon surgery had power-walked on ahead of us.

Scott was trying out his cool new compact Canon as we made our way up Alpine road, on a trail that has some very pretty stretches. Paced by Scott, I knocked 5 minutes off my time of last week, and was moving along nicely, thank you.

That is, until, only a hundred yards or so from our destination at Mike’s Cafe, I somehow managed to crash into a muddy sticker patch at the side of trail. Scott very patiently stood by as I gathered my feet under me, offering helpful tugs and pulls, until I could get into a position to pull myself up on Scott’s arm.

Scott, of course, is recovering from rotator cuff surgery, so it was a case of the one-armed man trying to pull a one-legged guy off the ground – the YouTube video would have been comical. Linda came upon the scene just us as I struggled up, and asked, helpfully, what I had been looking for on the ground. Such wit, dear…truly, I am blessed…

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Communion bread

by cg on November 20, 2009

altar_bread_460.jpg

Friend Amy Bayersdorferfer asked, “For the less knowledgeable, what makes communion bread?” The short answer, Amy, in the modern Christian tradition, is “almost anything that can be called bread.”

Traditionally, in catholic (e.g. Roman and Episcopal) churches, an unleavened, productized communion wafer has served the purpose for many decades. However, more recently, Christian communities in the U.S. have been choosing bread with a less mass-market, cardboard-like consistency (those little wafers can be had for $19 the thousand at Amazon and $12 per thousand at “Christian” suppliers like ChurchPartner.com).

In particular, congregations who seek, at least symbolically, to re approach Christianity’s 1st-century roots, wherein communion was not a ritual, but literally communing – as in getting together for a meal – have opted for as many different kinds of bread as there are faith communities.

Our church, Holy Trinity, uses a bread recipe that, apparently, is popular with other Episcopal churches and was introduced into our midst, I believe, by the Rev. Beth Foote. I’d describe the bread as small, soft, bun-like rounds, made from a mix of whole wheat and white flour with honey and olive oil. They are leavened, despite the fact that Christ, celebrating Passover, would have shared unleavened bread with the Apostles at the last supper – but, then, Episcopalians have always been a little loose with Scripture, if not ritual. In any case, the use of unleavened bread is not canonical in the Episcopal church.

The cross cut in the top of each round is both symbolic and practical – it makes it easy to break the bread and the honey-and-oil texture minimizes annoying ‘crumb fallout.’ The honey also gives the bread a wonderful flavor. I don’t think you can buy this bread anywhere, so communities that use it form small ministries who shoulder the task of producing the bread. Which is what my “girls’” bread-baking group was about last night. Here’s the Communion Bread Recipe (pdf)

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Outed on Facebook

by cg on November 19, 2009

So tonight I hosted a baking class for people from church who are willing to bake communion bread. The Rev. Beth Foote was our culinary (and spiritual) guide.

But spouse Linda, claiming she was hearing far to many giggles from the kitchen, outed me on Facebook. Oh great. Thanks, dear…

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